i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
