Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(661): View more from California

Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.

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(914): View more from New York

omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch

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(443): View more from Maryland

So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka

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(434): View more from Virginia

well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard

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(845): View more from New York

Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier

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(917): View more from New York City

It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now

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(303): View more from Colorado

You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….

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(240): View more from Maryland

I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.

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