Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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