I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
