He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
