Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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