The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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