remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
