Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
