Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
