Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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