If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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