That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
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