So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
