are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
