pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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