im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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