It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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