im about as happy as oj after his trial
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We left the knife in your bed.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
