Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
