Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
