dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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