I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Text me some of your sweat
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