just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
