She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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