The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
this hospital has no fireball
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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