Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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