How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
