I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
well you can't waste a boner
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
