So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
