my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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