We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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