I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
