If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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