You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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