i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
