i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
