he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
