just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize