Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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