I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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