We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
