How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
