So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
