Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
