and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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