So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
