All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
her vagine was all disorganized.
He kissed a someone with a penis
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
