fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
