Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
