i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
