i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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