The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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