Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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