hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
