When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
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Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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