Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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