I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
