Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My dad is sitting where you rode me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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