I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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