I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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