Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
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So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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