hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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