i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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